


Until my dying day

by Greidy



Category: Glee
Genre: Klaine Break-Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:11:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Greidy/pseuds/Greidy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt tries to move on with Adam, but when Blaine visits New York for a NYADA Open Day, it's obvious to everybody that Kurt still loves him. Some (short) explicit sexual content. Spoilers up to S4E15</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until my dying day

Kurt's hands felt hot and clammy; he tucked them behind his back as though it would help. His bedroom was an uncharacteristic mess, Santana must have been rudely rifling through his things again. Kurt toyed briefly with the thought of asking Adam to go home, or even to sleep on the lounge, but he couldn't do that. Even Adam wasn't quite _that_ forgiving.

"Hey gorgeous," Adam said from the doorway. "Trying to tidy up for my sake?"

Kurt forced a laugh. "Oh, you know, I need to keep some secrets," he replied a little too lightly.

Adam smiled and came forward confidently to kiss him. He was a good kisser; Kurt enjoyed the smoothness of his tongue and strength in his lips, but tonight it didn't even muster up a tingle in his spine, let alone the shiver he had felt on first contact. Kurt's heart was beating too painfully for him to focus. Adam, ever blissfully oblivious, took hold of the clammy hands and placed them around his own waist, pressing in to Kurt as he led them, stumbling a little, over to Kurt's bed.

_The door is still open, it's ok, the door is open and Rachel's outside_ , Kurt kept repeating to himself in his head. But he knew that soon, Adam would get up to close the door and Rachel would go to bed. He tried in vain to lean back against Adam, to enjoy their little make-out session the way he had on previous dates. But it felt so much more dangerous in his bedroom; he knew what was coming. Adam's kisses were longer and stronger now, his fingertips caressing Kurt's neck.

"I'm a little afraid of messing up your hair," Adam joked quietly.

"Oh," was all Kurt could manage in response.

Rachel walked past, on her way to do her nightly cleansing routine, and poked her head in.

"Kurt, I love you, but I don't need to see that," Rachel said, moving her hands through the air as though pushing away an invisible animal. "Good night guys," she winked and closed the door for them.

Adam laughed. "Well, that was embarrassing," he said in a light, completely _un_ embarrassed tone. He resumed kissing Kurt's neck. The smell of Adam's conditioner and the coolness of his fingertips on Kurt's waist enabled Kurt to enjoy the moment, at least for a little while. He was attracted to Adam, of course, it was why he had asked him out in the first place. It's just that the attraction never managed to go deeper, to penetrate the wall that Blaine had lovingly dismantled brick by brick and then rebuilt instantly with that one short sentence: _I was with someone_.

He would be there tomorrow. Kurt was looking forward to seeing him and showing off NYADA, but there was more than a little trepidation. In phone calls and emails the two had been comfortable, good friends again. But that last meeting at the wedding - oh God, Kurt would not forget that easily. Just as the memory pushed its way back into his mind, Adam's hand slid underneath the fabric of his briefs and cupped him. Kurt pulled back, instantly. Adam's hand was all wrong - bigger and rougher and his grip was too gentle.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Adam said. "Do you prefer to be on top?"

"We used to switch it around," Kurt blurted out, then blushed. Well, that was a sure-fire way to tell Adam he had only ever been with one man before.

"Relax," Adam whispered into his ear and Kurt obeyed. Was this how it had felt for Blaine, back home without him? So intrinsically wrong and yet so easy to go along with? No. Nothing excused that.

Kurt sat back up.

"I need a drink of water," he told Adam.

"It _is_ getting kind of hot in here." With Adam's accent, it almost sounded like he was talking about the weather.

In the bathroom, Kurt stared at himself in the mirror. _You're not cheating_ , he told himself. _It isn't wrong when you're dating the guy. Just enjoy._  But that was the trouble. He _wasn't_ enjoying it, he was doing it out of obligation and some desperate attempt to pretend he had a real connection with Adam. Kurt headed to the kitchen and took a bottle of spring water from the fridge. He re-did his belt buckle and took several deep breaths.

Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed when he returned, staring at the floor.

"Kurt," Adam said seriously, "I don't want to kill the fun here but... Well, you're kind of killing the fun here."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just... I don't think I can do this, not tonight."

"Why didn't you say?"

"I didn't know," Kurt replied honestly. "We had such a great evening and you're a great kisser - "

" - well thank you." Adam grinned.

"But I feel like it's too soon and Rachel's in the next room and Blaine's coming tomorrow and everything I say just makes me want to melt into the ground with embarrassment."

"Hang on a minute, Blaine's coming tomorrow?"

"For NYADA's Open Day. He's auditioning for next year and he asked me and Rachel to give him some tips. It's nothing, it's just making me... Blaah," Kurt gestured around his head.

"Oh. It's okay. We can just cuddle up and watch a movie or something instead."

Kurt nodded. "That would be perfect."

 

***

 

Kurt awoke the next day with Adam's arm loosely draped over his waist and the feel of morning wood against his back. It felt strange, a little wrong, and he slid out of bed gently so as not to disturb Adam. It was nearly midday already and Rachel was nowhere to be seen. He had just jumped out of the shower when he heard a knock at the door.

"Coming!" he called out and wrapped a towel around his waist. When he walked out of the bathroom, he found Blaine standing in his living room.

"Oh," Blaine said, "I'm sorry, I thought you said 'come in'. You knew it was me, right?"

"Of- of course," Kurt replied. He wanted to greet Blaine with a hug, but he was acutely aware of the lack of fabric covering him and Blaine's failed attempts to look away. "Just give me a second to get dressed, I had a late night."

As he turned back towards the bedroom, Adam exited it in his boxers. Blaine managed to recompose himself very quickly, but Kurt knew him well enough to spot the look of hurt.

"Hi," Adam and Blaine said simultaneously. "You must be Blaine," Adam continued and reached forward to shake hands.

"I'm back, is Blaine here yet?" Rachel called from the hallway as she opened the door. "You seemed kind of busy last night but I just wanted to ask about dinner if you want to - " She stopped, seeing the three of them and covered her eyes dramatically. "Oh God, Kurt, put some clothes on! And tell your boyfriend to put his on too."

"That's rich, coming from the girl who let Brody eat breakfast naked every morning," Kurt shot back, but he excused himself to the bedroom. Inside, he leaned against the door and closed his eyes. Seeing Adam and Blaine standing next to each other like that - even with Blaine in crinkled plane clothes and Adam's smooth, bare chest - it was hard not to compare them. The hotel room returned to him again. He could not screen the thoughts of Blaine's face sunk into the pillow in ecstasy while Kurt pressed deep inside his perfect, round ass. Kurt looked around for his loosest-fitting pair of skinny jeans, pushing down the hard-on and the memories along with it.

Adam entered Kurt's room almost immediately after he left it, giving Kurt the chance to sit at the dining table silently and pretend to listen to Rachel's yapping about NYADA while he gathered his thoughts. Blaine was avoiding eye contact. He had told him about Adam, hadn't he? Come to think of it, Kurt could not remember mentioning Adam to Blaine since the back of the car at Mr Schue's wedding; he had been trying too hard to keep their conversations on "safe" topics. Regardless, it was not Kurt's fault if Blaine had expected more from this visit, he had been perfectly clear that they were just friends now, even if Blaine had only been pretending to accept that.

Adam returned, fully clothed. "I'd best be off. Adam's Apples are performing at the Open Day and we need to rehearse. Enjoy NYADA, Blaine, it really is amazing. I'll see you later on, Kurt." He leaned across and kissed Kurt, lingering just a little longer than necessary, Kurt thought.

Rachel stood up.

"I need to go, too, I'm really sorry Blaine. I have an audition for this amazing new show off-Broadway, I will tell you all about it tonight. Kurt can show you where the good coffee is and then you need to catch up with Santana, I'm sorry, I promised her I'd tell you she wanted to see you."

"'Bye," Kurt mouthed at Rachel as the door slid closed on a silent apartment.

"So," he began brightly, but Blaine cut him off.

"Don't do that. Can we stop pretending around each other all the time?"

Kurt paused, wide-eyed and confused. "Blaine, I'm sorry, but we're just friends."

Blaine shook his head and scoffed. He spoke to the side wall. "Yeah, but you know that it hurts me and the first thing I have to see when I come here is some half-naked guy coming out of your bedroom? You don't have to parade it in front of my face, Kurt, I get it."

"Hey! I was parading nothing. I'm sorry if my life here offends you but this is it now. We're not together anymore."

"I know. Because I screwed up. And every time I see you I have to remember how badly I screwed up." Blaine's voice cracked and he pressed his fists into his eyes. "God, Kurt, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. I'm here to prepare for a school I don't even know if I want to attend, because I have no idea what I want from my future. Every time I pictured it, there was you. I imagined this life, you know, both of us performing on Broadway and living in some chic New York apartment dodging autographs while we talk about what private school to send our son to. Studying at NYADA - with you. Getting married..."

"Singing _Come What May_ " Kurt said quietly. Blaine looked directly at him, his head leaning to one side and his eyes filled with tears.

"Exactly."

Kurt walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer to refresh his face and hold the tears at bay. He reached for a bag of coffee beans.

"I don't know what to tell you. I didn't want you to arrive like this either; we overslept."

"I understand. It's just the thought of you in bed with him - "

" - is _nothing_ compared to the thought of you in bed with that guy."

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Kurt breathed deeply.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come. I can go if you want."

"No. Let's just go get coffee."

 

***

 

"And Blaine, it's really important that you sing something with feeling," Rachel instructed. "That was Kurt's mistake at his first audition, you need a song that's from the heart." They were gathered around a restaurant table: Kurt, Blaine, Adam, Rachel, Santana and a girl Santana _still_ hadn't bothered to introduce to any of them.

"Ok," Blaine said, "so do you think a sad song or just anything I'm passionate about?"

"Oh, I would think there are plenty of songs that could make you turn on the waterworks," Santana cut in. " _Candles_ maybe? Or what was that piece of utter crap you sang at Mr Schue's wedding?"

" _Just Can't Get Enough_ "

Adam laughed. "That's not emotional, were you even listening to Rachel?"

"No, Mr Rose-Coloured Glasses, I was not paying attention to her smug advice, I was referring to Blaine being heart-sickeningly moved by any old duet he's sung with Kurt before, especially that one because they had such a pathetic excuse for a - "

"Santana." Kurt and Blaine cut her off simultaneously.

"You'll be great," Rachel told him, "Like when we did _West Side Story_ at McKinley."

"Don't worry," Adam said. "You'll kill it, I'm sure."

"Ok seriously, where did you even _come_ from and how did you possibly get in to that school because everything I've ever heard you sing has been total rubbish." Santana directed at Adam.

"Hey!" Kurt objected. "Enough."

 

After dinner Blaine told the others he was too tired for a night out at Callbacks and Rachel surprisingly agreed.

"Do you want me to come over?" Adam asked Kurt. Kurt hesitated, not meeting Blaine's eyes.

"Not tonight," he replied apologetically.

"Come to mine for a bit then," Adam said. It felt like a command, not a request, and Kurt nodded and said goodbye to the others.

 

"What's wrong?" Adam asked, as soon as they were out of earshot.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I'm not stupid. Santana might be a bitch but she speaks the truth. There's still something between you and Blaine, isn't there?"

Kurt tipped to the side as though walking on a balance beam. "I told you, we broke up and it's been hard but I'm trying to get over him."

"You said that months ago, Kurt. _Trying to_ means that you're still not over him. Did you sleep with him?"

"What, today? No! No, I'm not a cheater, Adam. I would _never_ do that to _anybody_."

"The wedding?"

"We hadn't had the exclusivity talk or anything, you and I had been on like 2 dates."

"So what happened?"

"Nothing. We got coffee and I took him to my drama class and - "

"- no, Kurt, I mean what _happened_? You've always avoided talking about your ex and if we're going to have any sort of serious relationship I need to know all of this stuff that's affected you so badly."

"I'm not affected badly, it was just my first real relationship, that's all."

"Kurt." Adam looked at him meaningfully. "I'm your boyfriend."

The words sounded wrong - wrong in that accent, wrong from those lips, wrong in that air, in that time, in that place. Kurt's face quivered as he struggled to hold it together, but the flood of tears unleashed themselves.

"He was everything to me. When we first met, he was the one who gave me strength when I was being bullied. He transferred schools for me, he gave me all these amazing new experiences that I would never have had, like the first time we went to a gay bar. He was my first, my first everything - my first real kiss, my first boyfriend, my first duet in front of a competition audience, my first love, the only one I've ever been intimate with. I moved here and he had to finish high school and it was really hard, but my life was so busy it was easier for me to distract myself from the loneliness I guess. Then he - he cheated and everything fell apart. It was a one-time thing, and he was the one who told me in tears, so it's not like he wanted to play both of us or anything. It took me so long to forgive him and I still don't know if I can ever trust him again."

"But you don't seem to be able to trust anyone else, either," Adam said quietly.

"No. He broke my heart and I still can't put it back together."

"Do you think you can love again?" Adam asked Kurt seriously.

"I - of course, I have to hope that. I'm not so dramatic to think I won't ever get over it."

"Well then, the question is if you think you'll love _him_ again."

"We're broken up."

"But you don't want to be."

"What? I didn't say that. I'm with you."

Adam sighed. "Kurt, you're not in love with me. I can see that. When I said I couldn't compete with a fantasy I thought that was all Blaine was - a stack of happy memories and a guy who wasn't interested in you anymore. But you're the one who ended it and you're both still pining for each other. You don't want to get back with him because you're afraid to trust again. It's the same thing that's stopped you and me from getting serious. And if I thought that you just needed to learn to trust somebody else then maybe we'd have a future, but as soon as you _are_ ready to open up again it's him you really want to open up to."

"That's not - "

"Stop lying to yourself, Kurt. Things will be much more bearable when you can ask yourself what you want and get an honest answer back. I'm going to make things easier." Adam was starting to cry now and it was horrible to watch. His face crumpled like a wet tissue, but Kurt knew that he looked even uglier with tears streaming down his own face.

"How?" Kurt asked, but he knew the answer. He just needed to hear it.

"I'm breaking up with you. Now go home and have an honest conversation with yourself, or better yet, an honest conversation with Blaine. I really hope it works for you, Kurt."

Kurt nodded and turned away, not trusting himself to even hug Adam goodbye as they both turned, in tears, and walked opposite ways down the street.

 

***

 Back in the apartment, Blaine was asleep on a mattress on the floor. His hair was fluffy without gel and his face was perfectly smooth. He smelt like the moisturiser Kurt had sent for his birthday. Without thinking, just knowing it was the right thing, Kurt took off his shoes and belt, and lay under the covers beside Blaine. Blaine stirred a little in his sleep and smiled.

 

 ***

Blaine awoke the next day with Kurt's arm loosely draped over his waist and the feel of morning wood against his back. It felt so right, so warm, and he shuffled a little closer, arching his back against Kurt to gently rock him awake. Kurt opened his eyes and smiled, then touched his nose to Blaine's and kissed him.

"Adam?" Blaine whispered.

"It's over."

"Bros helping bros? Just friends?"

Kurt pressed himself into Blaine, hard. He ran his hands over every inch of the familiar body and kissed the smooth, gentle lips. Blaine's hand crept south of the equator and grasped him firmly, stroking until Kurt's eyes closed in pleasure.

"Us? No." Kurt replied. He could almost feel Blaine's happiness as his fingertips caressed expertly. Kurt moaned and pulled Blaine down on him by the neck, kissing in a frenzy.

"I love you," Blaine murmured.

"Until my dying day," Kurt replied.

 


End file.
